Asa Peter Dusan
Seated in the secure and sterile NICU, I cuddle my tiny grandson Asa. As he wrinkles up his forehead, his large, dark eyes take on a contemplative look.
His nurses call him soulful.
I ponder how these first few weeks of life have shaped him already. Born with most of his intestines outside of his body, he was immediately airlifted to a hospital where specialists were prepared to care for him. His introduction to life did not include being nestled in the arms of the one whose sounds he had grown accustomed to before his birth. Rather he was checked into NICU as a baby boy without a name, where he was placed flat on his back, connected to tubes and wires, while his intestines were squeezed – slowly over days – into his belly. I am profoundly grateful to his birth mom, who endured a pregnancy rather than choosing an abortion, and then tearfully handed him over at the hospital, not to abandon him but to actually give him life! Now at three weeks of age, he is held and comforted ALOT as he recovers from major surgery.
Already he has figured out that wailing will bring someone to pick him up. Already he knows that every three hours he will get milk- although only a minimal amount. I stroke his little head, and say a silent “thank you” for a PICC line that pumps vital nutrition into a vein in his head. I wondered how his difficult start in life will shape his emotions, personality and mind. He has certainly already endured hardship. Knit together in his birth mom’s womb, God allowed this medical condition to occur. It is not without purpose even though Asa won’t remember a moment of it. Still it shapes him. Certainly being born in this state was instrumental in bringing him to our
We are grateful.
In a few weeks, Asa will leave the sterile, safe environment of the NICU- the only world he knows- and begin the process of understanding the larger world around him. Just like we could not prevent the condition Asa was born with, we cannot change the fact that the world is a fallen place. It is the duty of our
I adore the innocence of a newborn, yet I know that this state of innocence, as beautiful as it seems, cannot be maintained. Innocence would leave Asa’s heart vulnerable and weak, easy to entice. Oswald Chambers said that “innocence in a chid’s life is a beautiful thing but men and women ought not to be innocent; they ought to be tested and tried. No man is born pure; purity is the outcome of conflict. The pure man is not the man who has never been tried, but the man who knows about evil and has overcome it.”
Tested and tried- certainly not something we enjoy when it happens to our children. Yet to overcome evil, our children need to know what evil is and learn to stand up against it. The only impenetrable safe guard is a heart that genuinely changed by Jesus, a heart so in love with Himthat evil cannot take hold. We can’t hate evil enough to make it go away. Instead we need to love God enough so that the influence of evil can’t trip us up. We teach our children to love God by first pursuing Him deeply ourselves.
Asa is already learning that being in the arms of his mommy and daddy is comforting and safe. Now with their arms around him, he will begin his own walk of maturity, moving ever so slowly from innocence to purity- learning in the end that the only arms that that truly keep him safe are those of Jesus!
NOTE: I will be expanding this very important topic in the next few blogs.
Psalm 40:1
I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.
To wait: one of the most difficult concepts to surrender to.
To wait for something of deep value can be excutiating whether it waiting for a job, for health, for a wayward child to repent, for a spouse or for a child of your own. Yet there is something of sweetness and deep, abiding value in the wait that often becomes apparent only in hindsight!
Our youngest daughter Alisa and her husband Peter have been “in wait” for a sibling for Hadassah for two years. At times this period has felt like “forever” but the wait has finally come to an end with the arrival of Asa Peter. In hindsight, there is no doubt that God orchestrated the events and timing for this tiny baby boy to become a part of our
family . We are already blessed by his sweet, peaceful temperament even in the midst of his discomfort and pain. He came into this world one week ago faced with a medical condition call gastoschisis and faces surgery at 8 AM this morning. Because the hole in his tiny tummy is rather large, he will not be able to eat via his mouth for several weeks and will therefore remain in NICU for quite some time. We look forward to the time when we can hold Asa Peter in our arms.Go to Christian Mama’s Guide for pictures and a snippet of his story via a letter written by Asa’s aunt to his birth mother.
I am a grateful “Oma” today.
I thank God today for medical advances in our country by which babies like Asa can be restored to full health. I thank God for the Ronald McDonald House in Temple where the staff has graciously opened up their dwelling for our
family . (we will forever be loyal fans!) I thank God for the Generations Adoption Agency in Waco who compassionately work with birth moms and adoptive families waiting for babies. I thank God for birth moms who couragously hand their children over in hopes of a better life for the child they carried.Our lives are forever changed in this process. Adoption,a child in NICU, being served by the Ronald McDonald House: these are all new experiences for our
family that we know God will use to enrich our lives. For Peter and Alisa, the wait in hindsight has now become a sweet blessing.Do you find yourself waiting for something deeply important to you? I pray this poem encourages you as it did our family a few month back.
A portion of the poem “Wait” by Ginger Garrett
as written in Hannah’s Hope: Seeking God’s Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage & Adoption Loss by Jennifer Saake.
“…..all you see I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want, but you wouldn’t know Me.
You’d not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You’d not know the power that I give to the faint.
You’d not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust, just by knowing I’m there.
You’d not know the joy of resting in Me.
When darkness and silence was all you could see.
You would never experience that fullness of love.
As peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you’d not know the depth of the best of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late in the night;
The faith that I give when you walk without sight;
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you ask,
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
And you never would know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that ‘My grace is sufficient for thee.’
Yes, your dreams for that loved one o’ernight could come true,
But the loss if you lost what I’m doing in you.
So be silent, my child, and in time you will see;
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me,
And though oft’ may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all….is still…..wait.”
“I gave my heart and soul to my pastoral ministry at church, and my wife and children got the scraps. I was living an unbiblical, hollow Christian life, while at the same time receiving accolades for my public ministry. I have spoken with many pastors and missionaries over the years who had “discipled” hundreds of people, but they lost the souls of their own children. Some were even told, “Trust your children to the Lord! You need to focus on your ministry.” Nowhere in Scripture does God command parents to abdicate the spiritual training to others so that they can “focus on ministry.” Instead, God calls His people to begin their Kingdom ministry at home.“
Rob Rienow- founder of Visionary
Family Ministries
Who are the inspirational people in your life- those individuals who move you in positive ways?
One of mine happens to be Dr. Rob Rienow. He is not only passionate about the vital role of parents in the lives of children, but he also happens to be a great writer. I was blessed by an article he recently wrote for Mission Frontiers titled The Essential 
Role of the
Keenly aware that no one else can or should take his place, Dr. Rienow considers his most important ministry that of loving his wife and leading his six children to follow God. Rob is the founder of Visionary
In reference to the verses below, Dr. Rienow states that ” I want to be a father like this. I want to tell my children all about praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, so that they would tell their children who are not even born yet. At the heart of the advance of the gospel is the call to parents to impress the hearts of their children with a love for God and for His Word.” I pray that his testimony and insights inspire parents across our land to rise up and own the responsibility of teaching God’s Word to their own children and not assuming a church or school can adequately assume their role.
“O my people, hear my teaching; listen to the words of my mouth. I will open my mouth in parables, I will utter hidden things, things from old; what we have heard and known, what our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, his power, and the wonders He has done. He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our forefathers to teach their children, so that the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands.”
Psalms 78: 1-7
Proverbs 2:1-5
My son, if you receive my words, and treasure my commands within you, so that you incline your ear to wisdom, and apply your heart to understanding, yes if you cry out for discernment, and lift up your voice for understanding, if you seek her as silver, and search for her as for hidden treasures; then you will understand the fear of the LORD.
Proverbs 4:1,4-7
Hear my children the instruction of a father, and give attention to know understanding; (4) He also taught me, and said to me: let your heart retain my words; keep my commandments and live. Get wisdom! Get understanding! Do not forsake her and she will preserve you; love her, and she will keep you. Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.
Proverbs 4: 20-22
My son, give attention to my words; incline your ear to my sayings. Do not let them depart from your eyes; Keep them in the midst of your heart; for they are life for those who find them, and health to all their flesh.
My grand daughter Kate walks into our house and immediately plops her shoes down in front of the door. While she has learned the good habit of taking off her shoes, she has also learned the bad habit of dropping them right in the way of 
incoming and outgoing traffic.
For years, my husband has practiced “interesting” typing habits (he pecks) and as a result he is not very efficient with a keyboard. Talking with one’s mouth full, interrupting others, procrastination: they represent bad habits learned over time. All habits are formed by repeated practice and the longer one repeats a bad habit, the harder it can be to change it.
However “a nail is driven out by another nail; habit is overcome by habit.” (Erasmus)
Forming good habits requires focused, prolonged, deliberate effort – something especially important for students as they develop mental habits, which are foundational for gaining effective learning skills. Good mental habits are also essential in forming good spiritual habits, such as prayer and meditating on God’s Word, because these require focus, the ability to ward off distractions, contemplation and remembrance!
The Proverbs have a lot to say about habits and which are are needed to acquire wisdom and understanding. Read the Proverbs verses listed above to your kids and note the ” active mental actions” we are called to do until they become habitual!
Our actions form habits and our habits form our character!!!
Proverbs 2: 1-5
- Receive my words: a heart receptive to truth
- Treasure my commands: loving what God loves
- Incline your ear to wisdom: pressing in and listening to the Holy Spirit
- Apply your heart to understanding: contemplating truth and incorporating it into your life
- Cry out for discernment; lift up your voice for understanding: Fervent prayer.
- Seek her as silver and search for her: putting in effort!
Proverbs 4: 1,4-7
- Hear the instruction of a father: listen to your parents!
- Give attention to know understanding: contemplate the Word.
- Retain my words: remember what you learn.
- Keep my commandments: Obey!
- Get wisdom. Get understanding. Do what it takes to get it!
- Do not forsake her: Don’t forget what God has taught you.
Proverbs 4: 20-22
- Give attention: Focus!
- Incline your ear: Listen!
- Do not let His words depart from your eyes: Read The Word.
- Keep them in the midst of your heart: remember them!!
My husband wants to know why wisdom is referred to as a “she”…..
Any answers ladies?
For the hearts of the people have grown dull. Their ears are hard of hearing and their eyes they have closed, lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears, lest they should understand with their hearts and turn, so that I should heal them.
Matthew 13: 15
Erin as a 4 year old!
When my oldest daughter was four, she increasingly ignored my instructions, exclaiming that she had not heard me. I believed her and would then repeat my instructions to her. In addition she learned to sweetly say “I didn’t understand you mommy,” as she justified her disobedience. It worked. What parent doesn’t fight the temptation to grant their child a pass for disobedience if an excuse is seemingly apparent!
One day it dawned on me that my daughter was benefiting from NOT hearing me and that I was in fact training her not to listen.
This realization was a turning point in my parenting and likewise in Erin’s growth. I became determined to first make sure that I stated my directives to her clearly but also to hold her responsible, each and every time, to not only hear and also to understand what I had told her. Then I began to consistently extend undesirable consequences for not listening and understanding. It was difficult to do at first because I longed to extend her mercy. Erin however soon learned that hearing and understanding was a wiser choice– and a more beneficial course of action. Once she was expected to hear and understand, she learned to listen well not only to me but also to her teachers and she gained strong comprehension skills in the process. Her growth encouraged me to remain consistent not only with her but also with her younger siblings.
Today, I see a similar pattern taking place frequently in our school classrooms, with students opting out of assignments because they did not hear- or understand- the teacher’s instructions. In response, many parents and teacher actually believe that unless instructions are repeated, posted, and even readily available, students cannot be held accountable to follow through on something they are merely instructed about in the classroom.
We no longer assume kids are capable of following through with instructions or retaining information by merely auditory means. That’s alarming.
What defines a culture in which the population as a whole does not listen well? Could this define our youth culture today? Recently my son-in-law Peter, a campus evangelist at Texas State was engaged in a conversation about God with a student he had met on campus. Asking the student what his response was to what he had just shared, the student replied, “I wasn’t really listening to you.”
And what happens to our Christian community- and to our faith - when we our ears are closed to His voice? Over and over the scriptures say to “incline your ear to the Lord.” Incline means to slant, to persuade. It is a purposeful action.
When Jesus explained the parable of the seed in Matthew 13:18-23, he stated:
- “when anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, then the wicked one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart.”
- “He who received the word on stony places; this is he who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, yet he has no root in himself but endures only for awhile”
- “He who received seed among the thorns is he who hears the word and the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word and he becomes unfruitful.”
Hearing God is vital to our lives. Each of the seven churches listed in Revelations, was told “he who has an ear let him hear what the spirit says to the churches.” How do we develop habits that support hearing and understanding God? How do we keep our ears open to Him? How do we maintain the ability to recognize His voice within us and thereby maintain the great blessing of fellowship with the Lord which keeps one’s heart alive and vibrant?
I believe that it begins with an inner quietness that allows for our ears to remain open to Him. We must practice stilling our own thoughts and emotions. Otherwise all we will hear are our own thoughts and reactions not only to circumstances but also to the stream of communications we receive each day. An inner quietness of mind is attentive in nature and flows out of a calm and quiet spirit. I am moved by the words of Christine Valters Paintner, a Benedictine Oblate, who says “cultivating silence is about making space for another voice to speak.” She refers to it as a presence rather than an absence. She says, “ I can be alone and in a quiet place but experience a great deal of inner noise or I can experience an inner calm in the midst of a crowded noisy setting.”
We must purposefully work to build attentive habits within ourselves that foster listening and understanding and we need to actively teach them to- and expect them from – our children. “A wise man will hear and increase learning. (Proverbs 1:5) while the “complacency of fools will destroy them….but whoever listens to me will dwell safely and will be secure without fear of evil.” (Proverbs 1:32-22)
TIPS:
- Enter your busy day by communing with God so that you begin each day with a calmness and stillness within. Don’t get in a habit of checking texts, emails, & Facebook first thing when you wake up. Doing so is the surest way to infuse your entire day with noise. Nourish your soul first even if you only have a few minutes. You will be far more inclined to hear Him in a state of calmness and stillness and your ears will remain more inclined toward Him all day long.
- Purpose to strengthen your listening skills and practice remembering what you hear from others. Actively listen to others.
- Purposefully work to increase prayer in your daily life. Nothing but your own response to distractions prevent you from praying. You pray as much as you want to.
- Refrain from purchasing internet devices for your kids until they exhibit the skills necessary to use them wisely: self control, patience, focus, and ability to delay gratification. Wisely limit their usage.
- Refrain from attending to your internet gadgets in the midst of conversations with others, at the dinner table and when doing things with your
family .
I’m excited to announce that
Family Wings, LLC now offers a variety of services for families and parents including in-home parent consulting and educational consulting.Check out our services page or call us at (512)262-6026 for more information.
Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.
Colossians 3:2
Why do so many kids become non-learners – kids who are uncoachable and unteachable?
What happens to some enthusiastic youngsters once they become adolescents?
The gap between the motivated student and non motivated student begins to widen in the middle school years when the work gets harder and the grading policies toughen up. According to Carol Dweck in her book Mindset, “grades tend to suffer but not everyone’s grades suffer equally“. The performance of students with what she describes as a fixed mindset drops off and continues to worsen, while students with a growth mindset start to do better and better.
What is a fixed mindset?
Individuals with a fixed mindset see themselves with permanent traits; that their innate intelligence, their attention span, and their talents are predetermined. “I just can’t pay attention.” “I’m just bad at math.”
These individuals have high levels of discouragement because they chew over problems and setbacks which mean they are incompetent. They stay interested in an activity when they do well right away but can’t enjoy anything that they are not good at. (If you don’t do well, why try harder and waste your time!)
Putting in low effort is the way they protect themselves and they put their energies instead into maintaining an outer image to hide their inward despair and lack of confidence.
They cast blame and point figures. Some one else is usually responsible for their lack of achievement: teachers, coaches, peers, parents. They come to view themselves as victims of outside forces.
They value (so does our society) effortless accomplishment over achievement through effort because they think that effort is only for people who have deficiencies. Effort “reduces” you and is for those who can’t make it on talent. The idea of trying and still failing- of leaving yourself without excuses-is the worst fear within the fixed mindset. Without effort you can always say “I could have been”, but once you try, you can’t say that anymore.
Individuals with a growth mindset make learning and growing a priority. They believe that working harder makes you smarter.
Haddie still loves to learn!
They have found that their basic talents and skills can be cultivated through effort and training. They pay close attention to information that can stretch their knowledge. They remain highly interested even when work is very challenging because they believe abilities are learned.
The worse they feel about an outcome the more motivated they become and the more they confront the problems facing them. They take charge of the processes that bring success and maintain them. They dig in and do what it takes. They are mentally tough.
Understanding and recognizing these mindsets is the key to change.
We each choose which perspective to live by and respond through. Just as we can set our mind on the things above and not on the things on this earth, we can also maintain an enthusiasm for growth or we can become complacent.
As much as our culture talks about individual effort and self improvement, deep down, we like to think of our champions and idols as superheroes who are uniquely gifted and not normal, ordinary people who made themselves extra ordinary through hard work. Most “superheroes” have learned how to cultivate a growth mindset. They have learned to keep their focus upward and they maintain healthy habits.
God has endowed each individual with the ability to develop talents and skills but we have a huge role to play in growing them.
Benjamin Bloom, an education researcher studied 120 outstanding achievers from concert pianists, sculptors, Olympic swimmers, and world-class tennis players to mathematicians and research neurologists. Most were not very outstanding as children and didn’t show clear talent before their training began in earnest. Even by early adolescence, their future accomplishments were not predictable by current ability. Only their continued motivation and commitment to hard work took them to the top. (From Mindset by Carol Dweck)
I’m excited to announce that
Family Wings, LLC now offers a variety of services for families and parents including in-home parent consulting and educational consulting.Check out our services page or call us at (512)262-6026 for more information.
“What’s more, the waning of our powers of attention is occurring at such a rate and in so many areas of life, that the erosion is reaching critical mass. We are on the verge of losing our capacity as a society for deep, sustained focus.”
“Without self control, we can have the strongest of motivations and set the highest of goals, yet we will invariably get sidetracked by the distractions, temptations, and obstacles of life.”
Maggie Jackson,author of Distracted
The brain is not hard wired and that’s good news!
In addition, one’s IQ is not fixed as was once (and pretty recently) believed. False is the notion that the structure of the brain defines and determines its function. The opposite is now known to be true: function in fact determines structure. What modern science tells us is that the brain has incredible plasticity – also called malleability- which is the lifelong ability of the brain to reorganize and restructure its neuro-pathways based on experiences.
As we learn things, our brain changes. As we practice and form new habits, these practices restructure the brain’s networking.
This really is good news – and essential information for today’s tech savvy students.
Through modern science God is providing us with the knowledge we need to address the learning deficit in today’s technology saturated culture. We know that a maturing child’s brain increases in size and weight as a result of growth of the connections between the brain cells. In addition, we now know that these connections form through specific stimulation. Yet much of what kids do today is random stimulation, which does not produce change efficiently.
What happens to the brain of a student who spends hours multitasking media?
No one knows for sure. Modern science (with the ability to scan and measure brain activity) tells us there is reason to be alarmed. What today’s students are doing and as a result what they are NOT doing are both of deep concern to neuro-scientists. These concerns are not just about the student’s ability to learn and develop skills, but also about character deficits that develop like habits of instant gratification and a lack of self control.
Click on the link below to watch this powerful 2 minutes video and watch it with your kids:
” Split Focus” is a Front line PBS video about the dangers of multitasking. When kids gets the facts, they will be more motivated to do something about it. The facts are that multitasking not only bifurcates the brain and interrupts linear thinking, but it teaches one to respond to any urge the moment it comes up. Multitasking is basically the juggling of interruptions as well as the practice of instant gratification. Yet vital to future success of our students is the ability to focus, to delay gratification and to be self controlled.
While you are on the Front line site, find out what a 16 year study shows about our diminishing ability to hear the sounds of music by watching “Where Are We Headed.”
The key to managing the technological world we live in is knowledge about how our brains function and change. Parents, educators and students must together embrace the fact that proper stimulation and exercise of the brain is essential to not only gaining and retaining information but also to developing the skills of attention, memory, problem solving and not to mention SELF CONTROL!
Split focus is exactly that: focus that is split!
When we split our focus (multitask) nothing gets our full attention or effort. We give halfheartedly to everything, including the people around us. Half -hearted effort is a sure path to complacency and boredom. Only by jumping in wholeheartedly will we find joy in learning or joy in anything we do. To quote Archibald Hart, “we feel the deepest of pleasures when we are fully engaged in our uniqueness, our passions and our purpose. Our brains are not designed to enjoy a constant, high level of stimulation. Our kids are overindulged in seeking too much stimulation for their brain’s pleasure center and that is slowly deregulating it…causing it to lose its power to enthrall.” (Thrilled to Death)
Making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.
Proverbs 2:2-5
“I somehow just can’t get over my need for instant gratification, and it is messing up my life. I figure it is not my fault really. I was raised in a world of fast food, and I live in the age of the Internet. Anything in the world is at my fingers at just the touch of a button. Or is it? You see that is the problem. I have been fed all this hype about how I can do anything or have anything or be anything just by wanting it, and it is all a big fat lie.”Teen blog on the internet.
This series continues next week…..
I’m excited to announce that
Family Wings, LLC now offers a variety of services for families and parents including in-home parent consulting and educational consulting.Check out our services page or call us at (512)262-6026 for more information.
There’s no doubt that technology is dramatically impacting how we educate children. Today’s students gaze increasingly more frequently at screens and turn to books far less often, than students merely five years ago. They process more and more information visually and rely decreasingly less on listening skills. Their minds are continually flooded with colorful images, rapid motions, and blinking lights. They spend little time in restful contemplation and find a lack of technological stimulation uncomfortable.
A Google search brings up thousands of resources for how technology can enhance education but a growing concern is emerging as well. Scientists and educators worry that the more technology does for us, as well as our children, the more we all could be losing our edge. Are we becoming weaker thinkers because we are failing to exercise key muscles? Are our children failing to develop essential networks in their brains? What are today’s students NOT doing in their ever-changing-technology-saturated educational worlds that is setting up weaker thinking? Consider the article below:
‘Automation Addiction’: Are Pilots Forgetting How to Fly?
Automated flight systems and auto-pilot features on commercial aircraft are causing “automation addiction” among today’s airline pilots and weakening their response time to mechanical failures and emergencies, according to a new study by safety officials. This dangerous trend has cost the lives of hundreds of passengers in some 51 “loss of control” accidents over the past five years, the report found. (Click on the title to read more….)
Clearly there are pros and cons to a high tech learning environment but there are also pros and cons in a low tech learning environment. How can we harness the advantages of both?
What are the skills our kids are in danger of losing in a high tech learning environment?
Based on findings from current research, which personal observations wholly support, I believe that growing deficits in the areas listed below will – if ignored- vastly affect not only academic outcomes but also spiritual, social and emotional growth in our students:
1. Short and long term memory skills
2. The ability to wrestle with and digest text: comprehension
3. Single focused attention
4. Critical thinking and analysis
5. Auditory processing skills
6. Control over one’s mind- (which results in self control over one’s actions)
7. Silent contemplation and prayer
I will expand on these seven points in the next series of blogs but today I am going to step off this path a bit and plead instead for discernment (for both adults and students) with regard to social media sites such as facebook.
I am not anti-facebook.
I see many good uses. For example, a student at my school recently shared a link to a inspirational video about a small group of individuals who have launched a world wide humanitarian mission using facebook as the communication tool. (click on this link for great story) Yet facebook is also thoughtlessly used
by both adults and kids, with little discernment or impulse control. For many it has become a venting venue. For others gossip is posted for a discussion forum. (Please do not participate by joining in on anything that could be untrue or a slanted version of the truth)
While the words we speak can be retold to another, our posted words can be circulated and passed along to thousands with relative ease. Whether our words are spoken, written or posted, they hold influence to alter opinions. We cannot recapture words that have been posted because they pass into “web world” where they can live on endlessly. We must be ever so mindful that what we post is edifying and true and worthy to live on. And we must refrain from posting idle words against anyone.
I post very little on facebook but I often am sent what adults and students alike are posting. I have to conclude that it is far too easy to air a complaint- to gossip and stir up others to rally behind one’s own offended-ness! With rapid ease,one can also post frustrations under the disguise of “seeking advice and counsel and prayer” from facebook friends!”
What happened to going straight to our brother with an offense? What happened to seeking the face of God and turning to Him for council and comfort as our first response? Doing so would prevent many a hasty announcement from being posted in the first place.
The following Biblical truth applies to what we speak, write and POST:
Remind them of these things, charging them before the lord not to strive about words to no profit, to the ruin of the hearers. Be diligent to present yourselves approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. But shun profane and idle babblings, for they will increase to more ungodliness. And their message will spread like cancer. 2 Timothy 2: 14-16
And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell. James 3:6
Avoid foolish disputes…. Titus 3:9
The words of a tale bearer are like tasty trifles, and they go down into the inmost body. Proverbs 18:8
I’m excited to announce that
Family Wings, LLC now offers a variety of services for families and parents including in-home parent consulting and educational consulting.Check out our services page or call us at (512)262-6026 for more information.
Their every day will be caught in the wheels of a mechanized society to the point where I wonder how they will find the time to enjoy the most simple pleasures we had at our disposal: silence, calm, solitude. Having never known them, they shall not be able to miss them. AS for me, I do—and I pity them.
Albert Robida (born in 1848)
With all the advances in technology, intended to make work more efficient why, with increased use of these devices, do I find myself struggling to effectively use my time?
I own an iPad, iPhone and laptop. I use these machines with the intention of making my life easier to manage, and in many ways they help me accomplish this! They definitely provide easy access, not only to information but also to people. Could this, however, be why my time feels increasingly more complicated to manage? Whether I attempt to work from home, or behind closed doors in my office, these devices allows others to access me directly at any time of the day or night. Finding time to work, or even think, without constant interruption is difficult to accomplish, no matter where I go. I recognize that only by intentional, (and somewhat difficult) choices on my part, will I gain control over this access.
If this is happening to me, what is taking place with our youth, who by their teen years consider the ownership of these devices- especially a phone- a “must have?”
Is this the reason why today’s students struggle to find time to get their school work done well? Is this the reason that so many find school work increasingly difficult?
Little data exists that addresses the long term impact of this modern, entirely invasive technology on the developing minds of our youth. No history exists that we can learn from. Current students will be the first case study. Like the 1915 locust invasion in and around Palestine that stripped the region of 
almost all vegetation, the technological invasion of today has come in like a storm, impacting their entire lives and disrupting their time. Back in 1915, the people had no idea how to stop the locusts, and we seem to have no clear plan on how to address the technological impact on our youth. (And us!)
Today many American high school students carry with them, at all times, a mobile device. Small and light, and easy to hide in a classroom, it has the power to disrupt their learning, and every aspect of their life – and at an age, where their self control and patience are still maturing. (Texting, which occurs at alarming rates even in the classroom, reduces participants’ quiz scores by nearly 30%, and also reduces note taking considerably.)
At their finger tips, at all times of the day and night, are messages from both those who love them as well as those who despise them; from those who wish to encourage them as well as from those who wish to take advantage of them. Parents, peers, and even predators, have easy access. By these devices, they can post on Facebook walls both truths and lies for hundreds to see. Their mobile screens can display both the vilest of photographs and messages as well as deeply inspirational views and passages. The world- both what is good and what is evil- is literally at their fingertips. Are they really mature enough to manage this wisely?
We dislike our physical space to be invaded, but we have allowed the spaces in our minds to be invaded and bombarded by intrusions that suffocate and crowd out the capacity to reason and even to pray.
What is this doing to the developing minds of our students and their ability to reason and have self control? Unless we are willing to apply disciplined guidelines regarding the use of technology, these devices will redefine how we and our children spend time, what we focus on and ultimately who we are. Unless we are willing to put tight boundaries into place for our kids, the networks in their brains may develop to merely support distracted thinking rather than concentrated effort.
In this media saturated world, we may be losing more than we realize. It’s time to wake up and seriously consider the impact of the tech invasion on our kids. (More next week regarding the impact on their developing brains.)
TIPS:
- Be diligent to LIMIT the use of cell phones and technology. Otherwise, it tends to fill up every space of time.
- Don’t be naive and complacent by allowing cell phones to be taken into the bedroom at night. Many parents are shocked to discover extensive use during the night hours by their teens. Make a practice of every
family member turning in their phones. It’s called accountability. - Regularly check the history of your kid’s cell phone usage, both texting and calls.
- Set clear expectations in place for kids to carry a phone such as absolutely NO deleting and parental rights to check the phone unannounced. Hold firmly to these expectations.
- DON”T text your students at school unless it is absolutely necessary. Schools find it increasingly difficult to manage cell phone use when parents participate in texting with their kids as well. Set a standard.
- Read Thrilled to Death by Archibald Hart as a
family . - Set aside time each day to pray without distraction. Distraction eats away at prayer, the most powerful action we can participate in. We need to “gird up the loins of our minds.” (1 Peter 1:13)
NOTE: As a school, we are developing strict guidelines for cell phone use both for students and faculty to assist our families in managing this growing issue.
Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you.
Proverbs 4:24
I’m excited to announce that
Family Wings, LLC now offers a variety of services for families and parents including in-home parent consulting and educational consulting.Check out our services page or call us at (512)262-6026 for more information.
“For a few decades, it’s been noted that a large percentage of all gifted students severely underestimate their own abilities. Those afflicted with this lack of perceived competence adopt lower standards for success and expect less of themselves. They underrate the importance of effort, and they overrate how much help they need from a parent.” (Po Bronson- NY Times)
Continued from last week’s blog
Joey
Joey, our six year old grandson refuses to try each time he is asked to play a game he is unfamiliar with or practice a skill he has not mastered. At the beginning of kindergarten this year, he was assessed as exceptional in his math concepts while average in his reading skills. By February, his reading skills had improved impressively but his math skills had not grown.
I am reminded of an academically gifted female high school student who is terrified to speak in class. She often achieves the highest grade in each course and consistently over-works in order to exceed course expectations. Her standardized test scores place her among the very elite, yet in the classroom setting she under performs in graded oral discussions.
At the same time, across the room an equally gifted classmate maintains a nonchalant attitude about his school work and participation. He manages to achieve good grades, seemingly without effort, but he clearly is not working up to his potential.
What do these three students have in common?
They are all involved in “image maintenance”: the art of looking smart by not taking risks that could result in mistakes. Joey has refused to engage in the math activities at school, which are often done at public calendar time, because of the chance that his performance will not be considered advanced. (Reading is safe because he had no image to hold up) Speaking in class, is too risky for the young woman whose identity is one of being exceptionally bright; what if she were to say something that would not support this image? The young man mistakenly assumes that trying hard would be proof to others that his natural abilities do not cut it- that effort negates the image that he is naturally talented. He underestimates the importance of effort.
For most parents, constant praise is added insurance that their children will not sell their talents short, but a growing body of research strongly suggests it might be the other way around. Giving kids the label of “smart” may actually be causing under-performance.
The reality is that bright kids cop out of doing difficult tasks more readily than any other group.
What can we do to change this?
First, our words of affirmation need to emphasize effort which provides kids a controllable variable for success. On the other hand, emphasizing intelligence provides them with a deficient formula for responding to a failure.
In addition our praise needs to be specific.
By the time a child reaches seven years of age, general praise (you are so smart, you are naturally talented, etc) is not trusted as sincere. Rather it is perceived as “there is something wrong with me so my mom/dad/teacher has to flatter me.” Older kids tends to scrutinize flattery for hidden agendas such as “maybe they think I am at the end of my natural ability.” Specific praise however that draws attention to postiive behavior and habits- things a student has control over – does encourage growth and success. (more on this next week) Interestingly, correction and even criticsim by smart students is often seen as belief in their ability to do better- that potential exists to actually improve.
What kids really need to reach their potential is persistence. Persistence requires that they not be afraid to try new and challenging tasks. Persistence grows out of effort which in turn fosters not only better skills, but intelligence.
At home, Joey has been ordered to practice the skills he had been refusing to practice at school: counting by twos, fives and tens. At first he stubbornly held out. “I already know how to do that,” he stated emphatically. After an extended battle of the wills, his parents won out. Last night at dinner, he proudly displaced his newly formed skills. He no longer had to pretend he knew how . He actually could perform them. His eyes shown with confidence over his newly acquired skills, which were realized as a result of effort and determination.
I could tell it felt genuinely good to him and I am confident that his entire demeanor will be different during calendar time for the remainder of the year.
I’m excited to announce that
Family Wings, LLC now offers a variety of services for families and parents including in-home parent consulting and educational consulting.Check out our services page or call us at (512)262-6026 for more information.
Ellen, our Blog Author, currently serves as the "Family Ministries Director" at Veritas Academy in Austin, Texas– a Classical, Christian, University-Model School (k-12). Ellen's experience teaching and mentoring includes 34 years combined in both public and private education.
Follow Me!